doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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