The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
