Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
