More tranny stories later!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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