I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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