alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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