its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
