i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
