Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
