Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
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