Michael Bay diarrhea
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
