seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
