maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
