Dude my mom stole all your condoms
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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