The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
