Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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