I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
