he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
