I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
