dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
