I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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