Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
