So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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