Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
