i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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