i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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