Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
