ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
