dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
