Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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