I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
