I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
