i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
