I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
