Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Michael Bay diarrhea
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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