It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am spending my child support on dildos
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
