pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
