I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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