How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
