well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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