Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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