His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
