i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
