I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
