When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I want to fling myself into the sun
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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