I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
