fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
