i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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