I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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