Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
